I had an appointment with the doctor on Thursday… at 38 weeks and 2 days’ gestation. He told us that the baby is still in a breech position. This wasn’t news to me since most of the time Marcus and I can unmistakably feel the baby’s head in my upper left side. That part of my abdomen feels rock hard and distinctly round, so I knew he had not changed position. And an ultrasound confirmed what we already knew.

So what that means is that A C-SECTION HAS NOW BEEN SCHEDULED FOR NEXT THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 16.

But I have another doctor appointment on September 15, and if the baby has turned on his own by then, the c-section will be cancelled. Now, what are the chances that the baby will turn down at this point? Pretty slim, but you never know. When I found out a few weeks ago that the baby was head-up and that this was not normal so late in pregnancy, I began to look up information online, as I have done throughout my pregnancy (and as a result, I find myself alternately reassured and terrified by what I find there… I’ll curse the internet for frightening me and I’ll swear we’re through, but then I’ll forgive it and crawl back for more pregnancy information. I think Google and I are frenemies), and I discovered a whole wealth of supposed remedies for the breech position. Among other things, the following techniques have been credited by various women with helping breech babies to get with the program and turn south:

1. The breech tilt: This involves either lying flat on your back with your hips elevated on pillows, or, I kid you not, propping a collapsed ironing board on the edge of a sofa and then stretching your body, head down, on the ironing board for 15 minutes, 3 times a day. Several websites discuss the ironing board technique in complete seriousness. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. I kept picturing myself sliding head first and backward off the board and breaking my neck. However,  I did try the milder version: twice last week I elevated my hips on pillows for 15 minutes, and the results were… somewhat strange to say the least! Both times I did it, my abdomen afterward was the most freaking bizarre shape I have ever seen… hills, valleys, ski slopes — a distinct and dynamic topography had taken shape on my belly. And I think the baby was lodged in my shoulder. Within a few minutes it all normalized, but I was genuinely disturbed for those few minutes!

So then why did I do this to myself and the baby TWICE? Well, the first time, the results freaked me out so much I vowed never to do it again. But then I had a doctor appointment where I asked him, “Hey, I’ve read about exercises to make the baby turn. Are they safe to do?” And he replied that as long as I didn’t do anything that involved a risk of falling, or something falling ON me, that most exercises and techniques were okay to try, even having my hips elevated for 15 minutes. So I gave the breech tilt a second go, but the same spooky results made me vow a second time not to do it again.

2. Playing music through headphones to your lower abdomen. I’ve done this a few times. I got my iPod all charged up and lay down on the sofa, scrolling my music to see what might stimulate the baby. As it turns out, almost any music stimulates him. He moves to almost everything (with the Beach Boys’ “Surfer Girl” being a particular favorite) but nothing makes him turn, so I think he’s just dancing in there. Of course, so far I’ve deliberately chosen music that is very melodic, with a slower tempo. After all, I don’t want to stress the kid out. But if he continues to be so stubborn, I’m whipping out the metal. Any suggestions?

3. The Flashlight Technique: This is a really popular one. You hold a flashlight at the bottom of your abdomen, and the baby will see the light and be drawn to it. That’s right. “Go into the light, children. All are welcome! All are welcome!” I tried this once, before my doctor appointment last week, but didn’t take it too seriously. But interestingly, after I asked him about doing breech exercises, the doctor was the one who specifically mentioned the flashlight technique. “Have you tried the flashlight yet?” he grinned. Surprised, I said, “Yeah, once actually, but I was skeptical that any light was actually getting through.” “Oh, it goes through,” he promised. “Is there any evidence that it works?” I asked. “No,” he laughed, “but I’ve had several patients insist that it’s what made their babies turn. If you want to try it, I would say go for it.”

Seeing his openness, I felt confident at that point that when it came to breech remedies, nothing was going to be too silly to ask about. So, “What do you think of the ironing board exercise?” I asked in earnest. He looked at me like I was insane…

4. Techniques I have NOT tried (yet): a) Placing a bag of frozen vegetables on your upper belly. You know, freeze the kid out. b) Accupressure, which you can see a specialist for, or you can do yourself by placing clothes pins on your pinkie toes at just the right angle. c) Visiting the chiropractor… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Et7JuuMrr-Y

Anyway, I have less than a week to get this baby into position if I want to try to avoid a c-section. I have abandoned the breech tilt, but I am hitting the flashlight HARD CORE this week. No joke!

And finally, a small piece of information which may interest some of you. We have decided now on the middle name of the baby, which means we have a full name prepared. It is….

Ha! No way!

But here are his initials*, if you care to guess (prizes for anyone who guesses right — “Sorensen” doesn’t count).

EBS

Who’s got a good guess for the first or second initial, or both? Don’t be shy!

*Who knows what whims may possess us? Although we don’t anticipate it, there is always a very small chance that we would change our mind after meeting the baby, so hold off on ordering those monogrammed towels until after he is born!