My Little Tiny Babies

I promised a while ago to blog about how Emrick is adjusting to the new baby, and I still haven’t done that. But it occurs to me now that maybe I should be writing about how I’m adjusting. When I was pregnant with Holly I had vague but persistent anxieties about the challenges of handling two kids at home. I remembered how Emrick was in the first few weeks. Most days he only napped in 15-30 minute spurts from which he was easily awoken (I haven’t closed a door without rotating the handle first in three years) and nighttime was ROUGH. Some nights he didn’t sleep at all. On other nights, once he awoke for his first middle-of-the-night feeding he couldn’t settle back to sleep afterwards. I often found that my “day” started at 3:00 AM and ended…. never. The sleep deprivation was terrible and mood-altering. At around six weeks, things calmed down. He was sleeping six hours straight at least four nights a week, and the corresponding improvement in my own sleep felt heavenly.

But the thought that maybe baby #2 would be as challenging as Emrick — even if just for the first month or two — was a little frightening. This time, I would have a toddler to look out for as well. How could I possibly function if I am spending the day watching two kids, while having gotten something between zero and thirty minutes of sleep the night before? One day like that here or there, fine, but what if this were to happen day in and day out? Well, as it turns out, Holly is much easier in this regard. She takes a couple of two to three hour naps every day, and most nights she sleeps at least four hours for the first stretch, followed by a two-hour stretch after her first feeding. For the first time, I understand the reputation that newborns have for sleeping all day (my experience with Emrick had led me to believe that this reputation was based on LIES. ALL LIES). Of course, she does have the occasional difficult night, but for the most part I am getting at least enough sleep to feel human — which means four to six hours a day. Sure, I’d love to get eight hours but for now, I am getting enough to function which is more than I had expected.

This does not mean that my days are a breeze, however. It IS hard watching both the toddler and the baby. Or to put it more precisely, it is hard to keep them both happy. Alive? Check. Fed? Check. But happy? Ummm… Sometimes. The fact is, it has indeed been an adjustment for Emrick. He sometimes wants my attention at moments where it is hard for me to give it. Most of the time, the attention he wants is just a matter of me watching him do something. He wants me to watch him count, watch him sing, watch him jump, or watch him reminisce aloud about what we did the day before. It’s pretty sweet and cute, actually. Of course, it is easy to look at him while he does these things, and it is easy for me to verbally engage him — I can do both of those things while nursing Holly or changing her diaper or preparing Emrick’s lunch. But when Emrick is in a particularly sensitive mood, he won’t tolerate my gaze wandering away from him for even a few seconds. He’ll become impatient, stomp his foot, and demand my attention in a very — well, demanding — tone. And when I correct him, he’ll take the mini tantrum up a notch. It’s not really terrible, though; Emrick doesn’t do the full-blown tantrum thing very often. But lately — and this is new for him — he will do things BECAUSE I told him not to. Marcus thinks this is just part of normal development, and of course I know that’s true; but I also think some of it has been precipitated by the changes at home. I mean, it’s not just that there’s suddenly a baby here. The whole course of our days has been altered. Many of our routines have changed, and that has to be tough for him at times. He’s actually handling it pretty darn well overall, though. When he acts out in the ways I just described, it makes the day harder and longer, but I have to give him credit for taking a lot of this newness in stride. Lately I have been making a point to spend one-on-one play time with him when Holly is sleeping. She’ll be napping in the baby rocker in the family room, and Emrick and I will go to the play room and actually play. It’s enjoyable for both of us, and I think it helps him (me too, actually) to see that not everything has changed.

One of my fears with bringing home a new baby was that Emrick would resent her and/or show some aggression towards her. I’d heard tales of such a thing happening with other siblings, and I was prepared for the possibility that Emrick would respond that way. But it’s been quite the opposite. Emrick is sweet and affectionate with Holly. He pats her on the head and kisses her several times a day. He gets up in her face, smiles, and says in a sing-song, motherly tone, “Look at your big brotherrrr!” When she sneezes he says, “Bless you, Holly.” When she gets the hiccups we both say, “Holly Holly Hiccups!” And when we’re out in public and she’s in the car seat carrier, he will take it upon himself to rock it if she starts to cry. He’s just been very sweet and taken with her. He doesn’t quite understand why she can’t do things that he can do (like looking at someone on command), but I have assured him that as she gets older, she will be able to do those things too; that she will have her own special personality that will emerge; that she will be able to laugh and play with him before too much longer. Once when I explained this to him, he looked at her doubtfully for a second and said, “Holly will play when she’s not a little tiny baby anymore.” “That’s right,” I said.

And with that, I remembered that Emrick is not a little tiny baby anymore.